My last personal post was an evaluation of the changes I did or did not go through in the past few years. It was a reflection of my spiritual growth as I flipped through the pages of my journal, exposing the truths I held and my effectiveness in following them.
That was back in October and I’ve been trying to grab hold of what was revealed to me since then. Shortly after we left for Hawaii to spend our 6 months US-stay here instead of the mainland. This was to be a time “off the road”, allowing my mind to be clear of the challenges and distractions of everyday trailer-travel. To be honest, I was hoping to get some clarity regarding the future here as well, as if the change in location would reveal it.
A part of me thinks that God will reveal to me that there is a purpose for us to stay and work in Hawaii, although I am painfully aware that this is dangerous territory for my mind to explore. I know that His will and mine are currently not as aligned as I would hope. Any desire to fit my favourite place in the world (Hawaii) with the will of the Lord for my life is terribly wishful thinking. More than that, it could be sinful. Still, the Lord has been known to graciously grant us our desires when they point to Him, even if they seem selfish to us. On that note I will move from the subject to avoid thinking and dreaming about it too much, since my primary desire is to be useful to Him no matter where I dwell, and that is more than likely not Hawaii.
Speaking of Hawaii and working, one cannot help but notice the “help wanted” signs on virtually every business window. Its not that they don’t have the population to fill those jobs, or that the wages are too low; quite the contrary: Hawaii pays well and has plenty of youth and adults alike who are unemployed. I learned from the residence here that the youth are supported by their parents and don’t find the need to work and that the adults benefit more from the massive social assistance programs that fill their pockets almost as much as a job would. I don’t know how true this is but it made me a little envious of being able to live and work in Hawaii – actually it made me envious of those who work in general.
It has been almost 2 years since I walked away from my biggest client and about 8 months since I fully closed up shop on my personal media business. My remaining client was not very lucrative so to clear my head of this career, which I had been in for almost 2 decades, my colleague took over that account.
Being without paid work for this long has had some interesting affects.
When I returned back to my home town of Brooklin last spring, I was thoroughly occupied for several months with some pro bono renovation work at our church. This opportunity came just in the nick of time as I was already feeling very useless and lazy coming up from our leg in the American south.
That feeling, although pacified by the work in the church, didn’t stay back long. By the time we had arrived in Hawaii and the dust and excitement had settled, I had thoughts meandering their way around my head about my “purpose” once again.
It’s no secret that the primary objective of this journey for me was to know God’s will for my life; specifically my vocation. Maybe it’s in the mission field, maybe it’s a new business, maybe it’s something that hasn’t been revealed yet – no matter what it is, my hope was to grow in the Spirit that would guild me in wisdom to this revelation.
When you are a kid the last thing you want to do is work. An allowance is fine but you feel quite sorry for your parents who have to head off to work in the early morning and return home in time to make your dinner, working tirelessly in between. They do this till they retire or die. Summers are not real summers for them either. There is nothing appealing about working to a child. I remember hearing a song by Dire Straits mentioning the “right to go to work, but they shut it down (the work plant)”. This one lyric stuck with me because it sounded like people wanted to work. That is absurd! Absurd to a child. But I’m not a child anymore, and my desire to be useful overcomes me sometimes.
To be fair, I enjoy working as much as I enjoy not working, and after a variable period of time I find myself tired of most work. This is just my personality and it makes finding that right career very difficult. This “perfect” job has to offer many specific benefits and fulfill a handful of personal and spiritual requirements in order to satisfy me long term, it seems.
I can see myself being so afraid of stepping into the wrong job that I don’t end up doing anything in fear of it not being God’s will for my life, not to mention that no job is perfectly fulfilling but the one that you do whole heartedly and with honour.
All of this to say that I miss work. I hear stories of success and progress from friends back home, while I’m on some beach, useless as a lump of sand. Talk about “greener grass” syndrome.
But in all seriousness, I believe any reasonable human being wants to feel useful and be filled with purpose, and I’ve had the opportunity lately to feel the lack.
In recent weeks Cynthia and I have revisited an idea we had at the beginning of this journey. The idea was to make video logs or “vlogs” of our experiences. We already vlog, as you know, and we keep a photographic account of our travels active on Instagram, so the idea of making weekly videos seemed the natural next step.
We did not chose to make them at the beginning of our journey because of the time we thought it would take (we originally wanted to make daily logs), and because we believed it would change us. We watched a few of vloggers on Youtube like: Mike & Drea, Sam & Nia, Vet Ranch, and the Bucket List Family. Their lives were so well documented that a camera was on for every little event they experienced. This seemed daunting and distracting from our journey so we abandoned the idea.
Now, in this relentless pursuit of purpose and usefulness, we are thinking that it can give us something to do. Documenting on a weekly basis seems more doable. We can talk about our week on camera and show cut aways of what footage we have from that event. If we don’t have any footage then we won’t show anything but us talking. Seems simple enough.
In order to prepare for this I made a Youtube cannel (Makerlight Family) and populated it with some of our old trips and adventures. Now that we have 20 or so videos up there from the past, we will condense the last year and a half into 6 months video segments to get all caught up. I have already been logging videos from our Hawaii trip to make into a separate videos after that.
This will be a lot of work but we will have time on the big island of Hawaii to get it done.
My hope is that documenting our journey will give us something to do in the interim. It may lead to greater things, who knows?